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Isn’t it peculiar how one is often surprised and shockingly dismayed by perfectly statistically novel things?

Take for example ones intelligence, good looks, creativity:

Do you recall the epoch not long after the dawn of adulthood in which you realized that despite what you imagined for so many years, that you’re in no way particulary special in regard to intelligence, attractiveness, creativity etc? What a shock it was to learn just how average you are, and just how exceptionally statistically improbable it is that your friend is in addition to being from a rich family, both smart AND clever. Perhaps it was then that you first began to question the merits of continuing to live a life of such utter statistical insignificance and why not just cease to exist? Killing yourself is painful, that’s one reason.



Highlights of my life



Coming home one day to my room painted pink, and a bunk bed. Also glow in the dark stars on the ceiling. I always preferred sleeping in the top bunk because it was high up.

Eating apples and peaches and fruits from the orchard in the sunshine during the summer while sitting on the thick green grass. At night once, my cousins and I played flashlight tag.

My horse classy. Horseshows and riding lessons every week. He was such a wonderful friend to me.

Sharing years with mili. I walked with her for hours per day in the mountain and sometimes she even secretly slept in my bed. She was the best friend I ever had.

Seeing the ruins of petra and riding a camel. I guess that was the most beautiful place I ever saw.

Sharing some beautiful years with muna. I loved her so so much.

Meeting Alon , someone who I truly loved.
Those are all that I can recall. Every beautiful thing withers away. Every single one of them.

Data Recovery, Sadly Impossible. 


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Maybe when you die it’s like a file being deleted. You don’t cease to exist suddenly, you just disappear from the world to be gradually overwritten by history, swallowed by space. Maybe a ghost is just a deleted file, an empty space-suit roaming around the universe without the dictates of physics.What words of comfort would you lend me if one day, in some corner of the galaxy you encounter my lonely deleted soul floating about somnolently, drifting slowly as a thin and greying cloud, shivering like a thin old man in the wind, and sobbing, sobbing at my monumental loneliness? I hope you will remind me that it will only be a matter of time, yes only a matter of time until the oxygen-free wind of ones and zeros will infiltrate my spacesuit, out here in this infinite tapestry of ones and zeros. And I’ll be drowned out by the noise of galactic explosions, and the blinding colors of supernovas. Overwritten by this holographic universe, gone and forgotten forever. 

Perpetually Paranoid That Thinking of Things Can Make Them Happen


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This phenomenon, of thinking of something or someone, and then it happening, or that person say contacting you, is so widely anecdotally experienced and reported through history that ive always suspected there is something more to it than purely coincidence. Afterall, there are few coincidences in nature. In a purely statistical sense, any outcome is possible, but in the real world, if a dice lands on the same side 1000 times in a row, there is probably some underlying physical phenomenon causing the distortion from what is expected. 

Now of course the intellectually-vogue response is to say that since we can’t experimentally verify such things with evidence, they ought to be dismissed without evidence. By the very nature of this supposed ‘psychic’ phenomenon, it is necessarily random, and so could not replicated experimentally. Just because it cannot be experimentally verified, does that mean that it should be dismissed and is necessarily false? I doubt it.

In fact, based on what we know about the ‘mind’, it doesn’t seem necessarily unreasonable to me to suspect that minds can alter physical events, or at least, other brains. 

Why is it controversial to speculate that thoughts can cause physical events to happen? Thoughts already do cause physical events to happen. Thinking of lifting your arm, so far as we know, causes your arm to lift. So it seems that brains give rise to some property(a mind) that is able to in turn cause physical changes in at least that brain. If there’s some property of ‘minds’ that can physically effect brains, and there’s some property of brains that is susceptible to input from minds, why exclude even the possibility that that property can cause physical changes in other brains? 

A Single Tear



A single tear was shed. Just a single tear. And then I smiled at a kitten. I’ll take to the skies soon I return to thinking, to the blue skies. You see the sky is calling me, the blue depths. But for now I will enjoy the heat of the afternoon sun. I’ve pondered before, what causes tears? But the thought is forgotten by a laugh or two, and consigned to the depths of my mind. Always it’s forgotten by a laugh or two, or the pleasure of the wind on my face. What a meaningless question it is to enquire about ones ‘happiness’. The only question worth asking is how one feels at that moment.