I was pissed off about taking the bus when someone due to a misunderstanding didn’t make the time to drive me home(they thought I was agreeing to take the bus when I thought I was agreeing to be driven home). I started the long, uncomfortable and cold, arduous bus ride, and while on the bus, in the midst of the discomfort, I consequently judged their action as bad. But after arriving home the discomfort of the bus didn’t effect me anymore. In fact, the feeing of relaxation when I get home, relative to the discomfort I WAS feeling made the pleasure far
greater. If I had in fact felt tired and grumpy all day I would have still regarded there action as bad for some time. At the point when I was able to render the bus ride ‘after the fact’, I could no longer find any reason why I ought to feel upset.
Perhaps if the other party had knowingly failed to fulfill a promise, that would be a reason not only to be angry at them during the fact, but to question their character after the fact .
But that was not the case. I could perhaps feel wary of their inability to understand what I tell them, but an isolated incident of this sort is not a great enough sample size of their actions to make any meaningful conclusion from. Even if this was a regular habit of theirs, it’s a strange phenomenon If I will feel anger at this, as they and everyone lack ultimately any personal responsibility for their behavior. Anger is probably always inappropriate, as it’s an emotion not typically based on reason. Frustration could be appropriate and should preferably instead of resulting in irrational thing like anger, lead to a practical solution for a change in behavior.
Telling someone to ‘just change’ is purely emotional and not well-reasoned as people are in no way responsible or ultimately in control Of their behavior. Changing of habits or outlook is a practical and actual solution.
Applying this to the above situation, given that it ultimately caused me no suffering, or none at this very moment(it depends also on what moment we judge the event from) I conclude it was an isolated incident of misunderstanding and not a reflection of any actual character traits.
How we judge an action ultimately depends largely on the distance from the event which we are analyzing in. Almost all things are not a big deal after the fact, whether that after the fact takes place after minutes hours or years.
Coming to a place where you can consider something after the fact is the first step to rationally judging an action. If I judge while I’m still being effected, my judgement will be massively biased.
Step 1 is to take at the present what the situation and if the event is not presently after the fact, meaningful judgment should be suspended. For example, if I was tired all day, then the rest of the day and the results of the tiredness should be let to play out before I view the situation after the fact.
Some dramatic events in our lives continue to effect us for years. The Goal of things like therapy seems to be to render things that make us suffer ‘after the fact’ since almost everything is no big deal after the fact, and can in fact even be judged positively.
Emotions usually kick in during the fact. The problem with emotions like anger is that they often compel us to make hasty judgements of others or seek vengeance by saying things we don’t mean. Anger can lead to sadness because of it’s ability to make us behave hastily or erratically. Emotions like sadness often compel us to make hasty judgments about ourselves. Sadness can cause anger toward ourself, or anger toward ourself causes sadness?